One of the mysteries of life, as you know,
is how to take action to heal your soul.
These growing pains are what you endure,
until you discover a miraculous cure.

From your past lives you may bring along clutter,
some you can handle, while others you shudder.
And to heal your soul, it may take a lifetime,
but once you succeed, oh you will shine!

You must be determined to reach this goal,
totally focused about healing your soul.
You must be willing to release and let go,
flaws or weak points and to go with the flow.

And to journey within to your inner self,
to let spirit guide you, to be your help.
For your inner knowing is that quiet voice,
that gives you options to make the right choice.

When you heal your soul, you will feel such joy,
it’s much like a child with a brand new toy.
Each day feels fresh with the sun shining bright,
so by healing your soul you will soar to new heights.

Everything will tinkle like music to your ears,
strength you will gain to build confidence without fear.
You’ll blossom with radiance continuing to grow,
when laughter and serenity will be yours to know.

~Margaret Jang

This poem was written by Margaret Jang, who has been channelling inspirational guidance/teachings from Spirit, in poetry format since 2002. Margaret is a healing facilitator for Reiki & gemstone therapy and is also an instructor offering courses and workshops for Reiki, gemstone healing & psychic/soul development. She resides in Vancouver, BC and may be contacted at www.onesourcelearn.com .

After getting the message this week that I may be writing a book with Ewa, I started thinking about what I would like to include in our information.  Saraswati Tiberi’s statements about thoughts being seeds that create our future health or state of dis-ease are something that I know I would like to include.  The fact that we have more control over our bodies than previously thought, the fact that we CAN change our cellular makeup through positive thoughts is something that I see daily.  It is obvious to me in day to day life.  Acupuncture is a fantastic medium for this.  But I started thinking about how to show this to people, to make other people understand that this is true, that this happens.  Then, I flashed back to the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know” and Masaru Emoto’s experiments with water molecules.

see:  Hidden Messages in Water

So, the message for today is:  send yourself love.  Send yourself kind messages.  Our bodies are 60% - 70% water.  Think about the healing that could take place if we can change 60% - 70% of our bodies just by thought…. do we not think that the other 30% - 40% would change also?  In addition, if we have the ability to change water molecules, chances are that we have the ability to change all molecules.  So now, we have the ability to affect EVERY SINGLE CELL in our bodies by sending simple messages of: love, graditude, compassion, kindness, etc.

A good idea might be to do yesterday’s meditation and imagine your left hand receiving love and compassion with your breath and your right hand giving it out to everyone / thing around you.  Let love and compassion flow through you at all times.

It just makes for beautiful water.

xo

Caity

Change is the fuel of life.  Without change, we have nothing.  We are changing, physically, constantly.  Our state of mind is in a constant state of change.  Change makes us possible.  Today, I am pouring over the idea of whether change should be in some cases forced or whether change itself dictacts when it is time.  Many of my patients feel that the only change that is available to them in this life is pregnancy.  They live in a constant state of anguish, waiting for the next test result, the next appointment, the next transfer.  It is a common belief that the ONLY thing that has the ability to create a change in this state is a child.

What I have been noticing lately is that once woman make the decision to move forward with IVF, they attack it like the biggest exam or interview of their lives.  They study the material, they are prepared to ask and be asked, they chart their cycles, they know when their breast size has changed by a 1/2 centimeter.  Within this process, the common acceptable state is despair.  I am TRYING and TRYING and TRYING… why isn’t it working???   Then, while reading forums and planning for another transfer and finding themselves distancing themselves from their husbands - they identify with this place of despair.  This is a place of comfort.  It is almost easy to be here.  There are so many woman like them.  Despair becomes an identity that people don’t want to shake off.  Sometimes people choose this path because they feel that they should be heartbroken when transfers are unsuccessful because that ensures that they are people who TRUELY want a child.

The question remains then:  Can you ride the ups and downs of “cycling” without the despair?  I would never dare to suggest that a patient be happy after an unsuccessful transfer.  In fact, I promote the opposite.  Curl up at home and LET IT OUT.  Talking with my partner last night, we revisited the idea of enlarging our emotional states (the ones we are trying to avoid) until they are SO SO LARGE that our perspective on them changes.  Sometimes, they shrink.  Sometimes, they become funny.  So, is the solution to take this despair by the proverbial horns and make it so so so so so so so big so that we can get a grip again?

I think this could be a piece of the puzzle for some people.  Probably not the only piece, but one of them.  So, after spending all this time turning this over in my head (I couldn’t fall asleep last night) I came accross this quote while reading “The Rabbi’s Daugher” by Reva Mann

Without the amelioration of mind-and-mood alterning substances, I had nothing to Band-Aid my hurting, and for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to feel the existential pain I had always run away from.  Every time the pain erupted, instead of reaching for a joint, a glass of wine, or loveless sex [my addition: or friendly, welcoming despair], I put up with the dis-ease.  It was hell.  But I was surprised to discover that hell is not an infinite suffering, simply a transient anguish that has to be waited out.

For Reva Mann, the change had to come.  She forced it through many ways throughout her life, but the change came when her life was ready.

Be available for change.  Not just babies (but babies too!).  The wonder of day to day life.  Be receptive.  Allow yourself to receive.

Try this meditation:

Sit comfortably with your feet firmly planted on the ground.  With your hands rested in your lap, place your left hand palm up and your right hand palm down.  Close your eyes and breathe in.  When you breathe in, imagine the breath entering through the center of your palm, traveling up your arm.  The breath then relaxes the muscles of the neck and travels up into the head.  At this point, breathe out.  Allow the breath to travel down, relaxing the muscles of the neck then shoulder.  The breath continues through the arm and is released through the center of the palm on the right hand.

This puts you in a place of reception by focusing on receiving on your Yin (left) side and giving with your Yang (right) side.  Yin is soft and receiving, Yang is hard and giving.

Create this receptive state whenever you feel that you need something and allow that thing to come to you in this way.  Give it a try. 

Today, after an amazing day at the office followed by a great “Treasure Hunt” meeting with Ewa and our newest group I started thinking more about what it means to be good to yourself.  Ewa mentioned something during the meeting that caught my ear about having a goal to be her own best friend.

Wow.

What a concept!  This is something that I have heard Ewa say before, it just never hit me as hard as it did today.  We (women) spend a lot of time focusing on those inner voices that sometimes seem to take over everything that we do.  We repeat all sorts of thoughts that have been formed into beliefs like:

I am not good enough

This is hopeless

I’ll never make it

It won’t work

I can’t do that

Would your best friend say things like this to you?

Would you say things like this to your best friend?  “Yeah, bestie, you’re right - you are a hopeless case, it won’t ever work out, you should probably give up and then kick yourself for it for the next 40 years”.  NO WAY!  For your best friend, you offer a few things:

An open ear - You listen to her concerns

An open heart -  You have empathy for her problems

An open shoulder - It’s always ok for her to cry

Are you willing to offer yourself those same things?  Can you list out or discuss with yourself the concerns you may have about a decision you need to make or a step you need to take?  When you do this, can you accept concerns for what they are and not judge yourself for having them?  Can you allow yourself to feel your own emotions?  To let them grow so large, until they begin to shrink on their own?  Will you give yourself to permission to cry as you see fit?  In happy moments and in sad?

I think this is a beautiful goal for anyone to have.

My Goal is to be MY OWN BEST FRIEND.

xoxo

I have so much to write about these days!  I am still preparing my presentation and meanwhile reading the book:  The Mind-Body Fertility Connection by James Schwartz and listening to:  The Silva Method and reading on the side my-once-a month-beloved Oprah magazine AND to top it all off a book called CoActive Coaching whose authors I don’t remember :)  My brain functions at about this level (Which the Silva Method says is 20cycles per second… I think it’s about 60… and it should be around 10) quite often.  But even within all these things being mixed up, I started thinking (AGAIN) about the responsibility of the healer and the responsibility of the patient.

If a patient comes to me and says she would like to get pregnant, is it my job to make her pregnant?  Can I even do that?  Is it possible?  No, not really.  My job, my responsibility in this case is to be sure that I am doing everything in my own power to balance my patient’s energies, to be sure that her body is prepared for a pregnancy.  Also, it is my responsibility to inform my patient of things she can do herself at home or otherwise to prepare her body / mind / soul for pregnancy.  It is my responsibility to let the patient know when I see progress and when I do not.  It is my responsibility to take care of myself so that I can be there for each patient.  It is my responsibility to continue to study, to be sure that I can give my patients the very best.

On the other hand, the success or lack thereof is not wholly my responsibility.  Yes, I should inform my patients of things that may help them.  Does this guarantee that they will do it?  Do they have to?  Will it work?  No, no and I don’t know.  I have written about this before in a bit of a different context, but I will write it again because it is something that has been returning and returning to me month after month since being in Germany.  Jeffery Yuen said:  “Your patient doesn’t have to believe in acupuncture or herbs or whatever modality of medicine you are practicing, your patient must believe, however, in the possibility of healing”.

So, when patients ask me:  Does It Work?!??   I say:  What do you think??

Is the patient in a place where she believes in the possibility of:  becoming pregnant, carrying a pregnancy AND giving birth?  This is usually a very difficult thing for women with fertility issues.  Most of them cannot say outloud:  I am capable of being pregnant, staying pregnant and birthing my child….  at least not at first

One of my biggest responsibilities therefore, is to help my patients revisit the world of possibility.  To expand her view of what is possible in the context of her own life.  To be there for her when she says a door just closed and to help her open another.  I walk along with my patients on their path but ultimately the direction we take depends on the patient.  I have my own views about where everyone should be but I am not always right, in fact, I am always only right when it comes to myself.  Just like my patients are always right when it comes to themselves.

Every patient has the ability to live a fertile life.  Every patient has the ability to choose the path she walks.  Every patient can learn to help herself.  I’m just an aid along a portion of the path.  I might carry you for a minute or just hold your hand.  My presence will be limited to a certain time span and I hope that in that time I can help show you that your life is beautiful today and will continue to be beautiful, no matter what doors open and close along the way.

xo

Caity

As I prepare for my lecture that will be at the end of the month, I am rereading loads of material, some of which I haven’t seen since I started at my current job - 2 years ago.  When I started writing out the slide show, I started feeling like I needed to brush up again on the basics in order to have a solid foundation from which to work and talk.  I put my trust in some amazing books that I have, written by pioneers in women’s fertility in the field of acupuncture.  (look through my recommended list for authors Lewis and Lyttleton)

What I am finding today is that there is information missing.  There are things that  feel need to be conveyed to my fellow acupuncturists that I will be sharing my knowledge with that I just can’t seem to find in the book.  I am sent back now to my 2nd year of acupuncture school.  During my second year (and 3rd and 4th!) I had the honor of being the student of Bob Damone, L.Ac.  Bob is an extremely important figure in the world of TCM because of the work he has done with Pathomechanisms.  Pathomechanisms in TCM are the processes by which dis-ease is created in the body.  We, as acupuncturists, often explain different organ functions to our patients by telling them what is wrong when this particular organ is not in balance, i.e., when the Spleen is weak patients will have an overall feeling of lethargy, they may have sluggish stools and metabolism, be prone to nosebleeds, have a cold nose, be prone to bruising and various other things.  This is a great way to have an exchange with patients, however, it leaves us in a place where we are constantly viewing the organs as weak and dysfunctional.  How often do we think about the Spleen and think about it’s proper functioning?  How often do we view the system as whole and complete?  If we forget what is supposed to be happening and what “balance” looks like, how will we be able to tell when our patient arrives there?

In addition to this, due to language barriers and thought process barriers (taking into consideration the drastic worldview difference between western and chinese cultures) a lot of the information that we learn during school is presented as simple facts that we accept.  Because someone said so.  This is where Bob comes in.  Bob never accepted (at least when he was my teacher) that a dysfunction of the spleen lead to increase in bruising - just because.  With Bob, we had to explain the hows and whys.  We had to view the Spleen in it’s full functioning form and point out the aspects that went wrong in order to get to the point of increased bruising. It’s a step by step process - not just a simple cause and effect. 

So, now, as I write out my presentation, I find myself sitting around and drawing out (that’s the easiest way) flow charts of pathomechanisms.   I don’t want to feed people information “just because”.  I want it to make sense, to have background, to be able to be explained.  This all came up because I decided that I want to explain why menstruation is important in fertility.  We all know why FSH is important.  We know why ovulation is important.  We know what roles LH and Progesterone play.  The menses just seems brushed over… the new starting point.  Maybe that is why it is important, because it’s a fresh start. 

The menses serve the function of clearing out “old blood”.  Clearning out “old blood” serves the function of giving Progesterone and Estrogen a fresh start on which to build a new, nutritient filled, thick, warm, prepared endometrium.  The menses allows our body the chance to build a fresh layer, to give the best we’ve got to our children.  As women, every month, we dutifully prepare ourselves with the best of what we’ve got available to create a home that will nuture a new life for 9 months. 

That’s what the menses gives us.  Renewal.  Retries.  A Fresh Start.

Often, the process of taking care of oneself is viewed as selfish and egocentric.  The mother that takes the morning off to get a pedicure is vain.  The grandmother who cannot take her grandchildren for the day because she is busy hiking is self absorbed.  The woman who gives herself one massage per month is perceived to be spending too much time and money on herself.  I am here to fight that image, to empower women everywhere to do whatever it is that is necessary for them to feel positive, strong and taken care of; for only when we are ourselves full, can we give to others with our overflow.

This is especially important for women who find themselves in the struggle to have a child.  These women will do ANYTHING if you say it will help.  They have tried wearing orange every day for a week, drinking certain teas and herbs three times a day even if they hate it.  They have woken up at 2am to be sure that their shots are done on time and on top of that have learned to give themselves shots.  If the end result is a baby, the journey is not important.

It is this group of women to whom I would like to reach out the most.  Now, right now, is the best time to start taking care of YOU.  This does not mean only eating steamed veggies and rice for 2 months (although it might mean that for some people).  This means doing you.  What do you like?  Where do you feel the best?  What activities fill your time in such a way that you don’t even notice it is passing?  When was the last time you laughed from way deep down in your gut?  For one, this is necessary because studies have shown that woman with depression are 50% less likely to get pregnant following IVF/ICSI/IUI attempts.  For two, this is necessary because as is so beautifully put by my teacher, Saraswati Tiberi, you must “prepare the palace”  (see www.preparethepalace.com.blogspot and www.thefertilesoul.com for more).  Preparing the palace includes preparing the uterus which can be done through deep breathing, yoga, acupuncture, herbs, etc. but it also includes preparing the palace that is your body, mind and soul.  Your mind and soul can be ready… but body not so much.  Your body and mind can be ready, but soul.. still catching up.  Your soul and body can be ready, but you cannot overcome the thoughts of how it will all work out, your mind isn’t quite on the same level.

Preparing the palace = taking care of you.  Taking care of you = whatever you want it to be.  Creative endeavors, yoga retreats, hypnosis, massages, pedicures, shopping, acupuncture, herbs, painting, coloring, drawing, playing music, gardening, breathing, sitting, being aware, reading, swimming, running, biking, walking, rock climbing, blogging, writing, talking, trying new dishes; these are all examples by which one can take care of themselves.  I urge all women that wish for a child (who seems not in a rush to get here!) to switch focus from when the next dr’s appointment is to:  what do I want today?  What will make me feel good right now, in this moment?

I will not tell you that it is easy, but it is only a decision away.  Make a decision.  Take Care of You.

Lots of Love,

Caity

It’s officially September, the days are getting shorter and will soon start getting colder.  At the present moment, I am busy preparing for a weekend workshop during which I will share my experience working with fertility with other acupuncturists here in Poland.  While writing this presentation, I am forced to review my knowledge, thought processes and tendencies in treatment.  This happens to be something I do often anyway, but never quite this in depth.  I am forced to put my own prejudices about certain treatments aside in order to present a clear, incorporating view.  I am forced to be quite clear about why I have those prejudices and why I do the treatments that I do.  I must, absolutely must, review all the basic information and reform my own foundation upon which I practice.  It’s great.  I haven’t felt so solid in months. 

The process of clearing, cleaning and making room is helpful in all areas of life.  This can deal solely with thoughts.  It can also deal solely with “things” - think - spring cleaning.  Interestingly enough, this process has been making me desire yoga.  I have been desiring more yoga since the beginning of the summer and have started to do short asana series in the mornings.  This also makes me feel solid.  This feeling of solidarity is something that I often want to share with my patients.  I realize that life is full of unknowns and I actually quite like this and have incorporated that variable into my own feelings of solidness.  This means that my solidness is felt now and only now.  But this moment, right now, here…. is quite solid.  I know where I am and how I feel right now.  I do not know how I will feel at the end of this sentence. 

Being in a place where I feel solid allows me to make concrete decisions.  I am clear about what I want and am clear that the next step I take toward this goal depends on when I choose to pick up my foot and place it down again.  This is something that I like to share with my patients.  I see about 80 women per week with infertility issues.  By their actions, speech and movement one can quite often see that they do not feel solid.  They base their next decision on what the doctor says.  They move forward when their massage therapist says so.  They change their diets only when their acupuncturist says it is necessary.  Many of these women have lost a sense of how and when to listen to themselves.  As an acupuncturist, I quite often give dietary advice.  I am aware that this advice will help the patients that adhere to it.  I also know that patients will only adhere to it when they see the sense in it.  They will only continue to follow recommendations when it was their solid decision that lead them to start following the recommendations in the first place. 

The trick with all of this is that patients undergoing fertility care often feel quite lost and have lost faith in themselves.  They may think:  “what I have decided up until this point, hasn’t helped me, maybe all these people know better”  or   “Lord knows I don’t know what to do, I’ll just do what they say and cross my fingers”  or  “maybe if I do everything perfectly like everyone says, it’ll work.  I’ll do it all.  Just say it will work”.  One of the purposes of the Treasure Hunt program that I started with Ewa Blaszczak, lifecoach is to give women time and support to return to themselves.  To reconnect with their own divine wisdom.  To feel that the decisions they are making are their own.  To plant seeds of hope, faith and joy.  To allow them to create their own solid platform from which they can jump, hop, skip, step or dance… whatever feels right to them.   in the moment.  right now.

Sorry that it’s been a minute, I’ve been working on a website… that should be finished in a couple of weeks. Then, I’ll be able to return with full force to blogging. This morning, I woke up thinking about the things that inspire me the most to practice this ancient art. I got thinking about Rothenburg (again) and I thought about a few things that were said or noted on certain power point presentations and I realized that sometimes, simple words hold so much power and have the ability to remind us of our paths, our passions and our intentions. So, I decided to dedicate some time this morning to the electronic recording of quotes that have hit me along the way. Chances are that this entry will be updated frequently as I find new things that I like Enjoy! 

“Alice laughed: “There’s no use trying,” she said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”
“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
Alice in Wonderland.

This one may not seem to have a lot in common with Traditional Chinese Medicine, but it reminded me of Jeffrey Yuen’s lecture when he reminded us of the miraculous abilities of the body to spontaneously heal. Remembering how amazing and “impossible” the body is allows me to picture full health in each patient at each moment.

When the Heart is clear, all organs are peaceful. When the heart is clouded, the 12 organs are in danger. - Huang Di Nei Jing, Cht.8

So much of the Kongress this year revolved around the involvement of the heart and shen in healing, especially as it has to do with fertility and women’s health. This quote helps me to remember that focusing on the shen is always beneficial, that clearing the heart is of utmost importance. I see this everyday and it’s beautiful.

The Path is more clever than the one walking on it

This quote represents the relationship between destiny and manifestation and goes along with the blog I wrote about the Secret. It’s important to be clear about where you are and what you want, but even if there are moments in your life that are quite unclear and unsure, you can rely on your path to guide you. I love this thought.

Yi brings ideas and images [to a person], the Zhi makes is powerful if it fits - The Seven Emotions, pg 152

Along the same lines - here we are discussing the wu shen. Yi, the shen of the Spleen, is what allows us to imagine what is necessary for us in our lives. If the Zhi, shen of the Kidneys, decide that this truely matches our path it gives us the willpower to put our thoughts into action and see them through.

Your thoughts and judgements are the seeds that you are planting that will sprout into your future health issues - Robin Saraswati Tiberi

Robin’s talk on the first day of the Kongress was amazing. She reminds us to ask ourselves what seeds we are planting at each moment. Our habits, ways of doing things, automatic thoughts - these are our seeds. Once planted, we have options of nuturing them, starving them or even pulling them out at the roots (also Robin :)). The way to planting seeds that you want to nuture to to create an area of awareness. Start paying attention to your actions. Then, you will learn what seeds you are planting and can make conscious decisions which are beneficial to you and need nuturing. I recommend the book ‘Miracle of Mindfulness’ by Thich Nhat Hanh for help learning how to do this.

This tension [between shen and jing in the body] is dynamic and it generates opposition, desires, conflicts. But it is also a motivating force for transformation and metamorphosis of the spirit. - Yair Maimon

This quote not only reminds me of the very basics of TCM, but it also reminds me that change is possible at every moment. That the body, in it’s natural state is not static and that acupuncture can and does have true effects that can start a chain of reactions in the body leading to health. Health is a decision made in every moment, you can change your mind about how you feel and where you are at any time.

Emotions are only negative when they are not liberated - Jeffrey Yuen

I love this. Most times people separate their emotions into “bad” and “good” emotions, based on cultural norms. For instance, in the States, happy is good and anger is bad. In Poland, happy is bad (because it’s suspicious) and indifference is good (because it gives you protection). But the fact remains that each and every of our emotions is necessary for us. They arise at different times to alert us of our comfort level with a given situation. If you didn’t have both “bad” and “good” emotions, you would always stay at a job that you hate, in a relationship that isn’t supportive to you, etc. etc. Emotions are only negative when they are blocked and then not released. Emotions must be lived through, must be felt in order to feel like their job is completed and they are free to go.

Thats all for today… go plant some seeds of health