Got It?
Now that you know what you want, how do you go about getting it? Do you believe it’s possible to have? Why? Why not?I have been thinking a lot about what the word deserve means lately. I have a busy practice helping women have babies and very often when I ask them about their blockages, they tell me that they think they might not deserve a child. These are women searching for answers, clues, anything to make them feel better on the day to day battle with this awful problem. Whenever I heard a patient say this, it made me want to cry for them. Then, after hearing it a bunch, I thought… what does that even mean? What does it mean to deserve something? Who decides who is worthy and who is not? Can this be stated (judged!) from the outside or is this internal judgement?
For my patients, it is most often internal judgement. I have a patient, we’ll call her Sue. Sue is 37 years old and has been fighting/searching/asking/praying for a pregnancy and child through 10 treatment cycles. This means that she has spent months and years waking up at all hours of the night giving herself shots or having her husband do them for her. This means giving herself sometimes 15+ shots in a single day and then dealing with all the side effects. She has been more bloated than you’ll ever be, has gained 25 pounds due to all the foreign hormones in her system, has almost lost her husband due to disagreements and has alienated herself from friends and family in the process. Infertility is not a pretty road to go down and she’s been walking it for too long. When I started seeing her, I asked her what she thought might be blocking her. The following week, when she answered me, I was shocked into a moment of silence. Her blockage, she said, could be that before this, everything was too easy for her. She never had problems getting the guy she liked, she never had issues with grades in school, she was the first of her friends to have a 6 figure salary. She met the man of her dreams at 18 and up until the past few years had a simple pleasant life with him. Too easy. Maybe she doens’t deserve it.
I have 2 problems with this:
1. As aforementioned: what does it mean to deserve? Should she have only gotten pregnant easily if she had a difficult life and struggled for everything she had?
2. What the hell is wrong with too easy? People, at a certain age, are able to choose a lot of situations that they find themselves in. They also have the right to their own point of view of that situation. If someone looks at their life and is grateful because they had it easy… what’s the problem with that? good for them!
So, once you’ve got in your head, on a paper or in your computer somewhere the things that truely will make you whole in this life, the things that you want, please let go of whether or not you think you ‘deserve’ them and just be happy when they arrive 
~Caity
September 01 2009 09:04 am | Articles