Let’s Start at the Very Beginning

. . . it’s a very good plaaace to start.

So, if the point of health is to be sure that you are being true to yourself at all times*, how do you know (after the age of 4) what it means to be true to yourself? How can you tell if this is something that you want, something that makes you feel good, or not?

As a child, this is a simple concept: when you have what you want (read: candy, a toy, attention) you are calm, happy and maybe even smiling and laughing. When you don’t have what you want, this automatically changes into crying, screaming and the occassional tantrum. This all happens up until the point that your parents can’t stand it anymore and just start telling you “that’s the way it is. life isn’t fair and you have to do this… because.”

There are 2 sides to this coin, just as any other. On one side, we have the voice of society. We should behave according to basic socially accepted principles and we should complete various tasks the way other people do in order to “be successful” i.e., finish school, get a good job, learn to take care of yourself. On the second side, we have our inner voice that sometimes agrees with these societal rules and sometimes does not. When our inner voice agrees with the outside world, we receive praise, when it doesn’t… well… it depends on the family.

So, through time, many people shut off the part of the inner voice that doesn’t agree with the familial and/or societal principles and forget to remember things that make them happy. I am not talking here about allowing and accepting drug or alcohol abuse. I am not talking about having a lack of responsibility at your job or in your life. I’m talking about remembering who you are. I, for instance, am a talker. I have always been a talker and my poor parents listened as much as they could and the other half of the time I was told to shut up. I never shut up. As it turns out, talking, informing, teaching is my gift. It’s what I do best. People have been coming to me for advice for as long as I can remember. I don’t have a friend that hasn’t called me at 3am with some crisis or another… and I love it! This is where I shine. Now, if it were possible for me to learn, at some point, to stop talking - I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t be where I am and I wouldn’t do what I do. Talking is how I work, it is also how I figure things out. Writing works for me the same way. I never quite know what it is that I’ll write. I’m not always sure what my point will be, but I know it will fight it’s way out if I give it enough time.

So, back to the original question: How do you know what makes you feel good and what doesn’t?

You’ve got to learn to pay attention to your gut again.
Here’s the assignment:

Take a sheet of notebook paper and break it into 2 columns. On one side write down the activities or conversations or moments when you simply felt good. On the other side, write down the activities or conversations or moments when you felt bad. Do this for one day. You’ll be amazed at how much you come up with.
Now, once you know the things that make you feel good in your life, figure out ways to maximize these times so that you can feel them more often. Remember that you are only responsible for changing your own behavior, so concentrate on your part instead of the second party’s (if there is a second party involved).
For instance: I felt good when I got a big hug from my husband
Well, what happened before the hug? Were you nagging him about the toilet paper roll again? Were you reminding him to hang that damn shelf in the bathroom? probably not. Maybe he just got home and was glad to see you. Remember how lucky you are, not all husbands are happy to come home and not all wives are happy to have them. Focus on the good moments and more of them will happen…

This is Step one. Figure out which things in your life right now bring you the most happiness/peace/joy and create ways to experience them more often.

 

* The idea that being true to yourself engenders health, happiness and longevity is a Taoist belief.  People that follow this way of life, that choose to follow their own individual path and accept each stage of it are said to be practicing “Yang Sheng”.  I love it.  Just be good to yourself and everything will be ok.

July 06 2009 03:12 pm | Articles

Comments are closed.